Reminds me little of Harry Potter and the order of Phoenix - dark, hopeless and scary.
January - March 2013
Big changes were happening here. I started new school, made new friends.
I started new job as a poop scooper and quickly climed up the ladder to become a treatment and appointment technician.
I have moved to my own room in Long Branch, far far away from Princeton.
I turned quater of a century.
April - June 2013
Things slowed down a little. i was not crying at work as much, got the hang of things.
My anxiety got under control.
I moved in with my boyfriend.
I have invited my best friend to come and stay with me. Which I want to talk about little more:
I feel like this was another big lesson in life for me. i really trully tried to make someone feel better, to help someone achieve the great feeling of getting things in life and most of all I was so damn excited to have a real friend in this land of chaos, that I put myself in by quiting my challenging but safe job. I was so excited to show her everything I discovered, everything I fought for, everything that I felt was important. But it backfired. Big time. There was no discovery, there was no excitement and most of all there was no understanding. i realized that no matter how much you try, you cannot make your horse drink the water you led him to. He needs to want it. My life theory fell apart, because I always had the urge to change the world, to make it a better place, to fix things so everyone can be happy. I finally open my eyes and saw the truth. Which was that none of the things I do matter. There is way too many people and they have their ways of dealing with things and their own wishes. I could not do anything, but watch my only friend leave and practicly dissapear from my life all together. I realized i was wrong, and that maybe I should listen to the masses. Another part of me died and I started to look after myself and stopped meddling. I came another step closer to the Creature I am now.
July - September 2013
I went through summer semester like a beast and started the fall semester with my new found friend Evan, which became my only friend. how sad.
I wen on a trip to Washington D.C. which was over all just fine...
I became more and more nervous as my visa has been expiring and i had no way how to hold on.
My whole world was rocking and I was becoming very dizzy, very stressed out and over all dead.
October - December 2013
I got married.
- my marriage day was amazing despite what happened before it and what went down after it. I still have my wedding day.
Andrews grandfother died couple days after my wedding making this memory forever bittersweet.
My onw grandfather died month later, making me realize how short is life and how far away I am.
I have finished the fall semester and had to say goodbye to Evan, as our ways parted here, which will leave me totally alone in the spring. I hope i will face my fears well.
Christmas this year were nothing like I expected and i was forced to let another part of me die.
I got an amazing present from my husband in form of this fancy computer I am typing on, but i cannot let go of a feeling that I would rather get a kiss than anything.
So this year is over. it was a big giant rollercoaster which is not quite finished yet. i am still working on my green card, i have one more semester to go before I graduate and I need to apply to bunch of schools i would really like to go to, but am not sure I belong.
Next year better be different.
I have decided to revive everything I was at some point, defeat all the people around me that make me this heartless cold creature without joy and start again to change the world. I wish my relationships with my friends got better and i will dedicate as much time as I need to that. I will spend more time with my own family and wont put it off anymore. I will try to cheer up my husband and light a spark in his eye. And most of all, I will just go back to being myself, find the once pretty girl with dreams and passions and show everyone that you can win.
January - March 2013
Big changes were happening here. I started new school, made new friends.
I started new job as a poop scooper and quickly climed up the ladder to become a treatment and appointment technician.
I have moved to my own room in Long Branch, far far away from Princeton.
I turned quater of a century.
April - June 2013
Things slowed down a little. i was not crying at work as much, got the hang of things.
My anxiety got under control.
I moved in with my boyfriend.
I have invited my best friend to come and stay with me. Which I want to talk about little more:
I feel like this was another big lesson in life for me. i really trully tried to make someone feel better, to help someone achieve the great feeling of getting things in life and most of all I was so damn excited to have a real friend in this land of chaos, that I put myself in by quiting my challenging but safe job. I was so excited to show her everything I discovered, everything I fought for, everything that I felt was important. But it backfired. Big time. There was no discovery, there was no excitement and most of all there was no understanding. i realized that no matter how much you try, you cannot make your horse drink the water you led him to. He needs to want it. My life theory fell apart, because I always had the urge to change the world, to make it a better place, to fix things so everyone can be happy. I finally open my eyes and saw the truth. Which was that none of the things I do matter. There is way too many people and they have their ways of dealing with things and their own wishes. I could not do anything, but watch my only friend leave and practicly dissapear from my life all together. I realized i was wrong, and that maybe I should listen to the masses. Another part of me died and I started to look after myself and stopped meddling. I came another step closer to the Creature I am now.
July - September 2013
I went through summer semester like a beast and started the fall semester with my new found friend Evan, which became my only friend. how sad.
I wen on a trip to Washington D.C. which was over all just fine...
I became more and more nervous as my visa has been expiring and i had no way how to hold on.
My whole world was rocking and I was becoming very dizzy, very stressed out and over all dead.
October - December 2013
I got married.
- my marriage day was amazing despite what happened before it and what went down after it. I still have my wedding day.
Andrews grandfother died couple days after my wedding making this memory forever bittersweet.
My onw grandfather died month later, making me realize how short is life and how far away I am.
I have finished the fall semester and had to say goodbye to Evan, as our ways parted here, which will leave me totally alone in the spring. I hope i will face my fears well.
Christmas this year were nothing like I expected and i was forced to let another part of me die.
I got an amazing present from my husband in form of this fancy computer I am typing on, but i cannot let go of a feeling that I would rather get a kiss than anything.
So this year is over. it was a big giant rollercoaster which is not quite finished yet. i am still working on my green card, i have one more semester to go before I graduate and I need to apply to bunch of schools i would really like to go to, but am not sure I belong.
Next year better be different.
I have decided to revive everything I was at some point, defeat all the people around me that make me this heartless cold creature without joy and start again to change the world. I wish my relationships with my friends got better and i will dedicate as much time as I need to that. I will spend more time with my own family and wont put it off anymore. I will try to cheer up my husband and light a spark in his eye. And most of all, I will just go back to being myself, find the once pretty girl with dreams and passions and show everyone that you can win.
