I was hurt the whole time, I just didn't say anything...

It is surprising to me. Actually maybe is not. I try really hard to be there for everyone. Whenever someone calls, and even if they dont, I make sure to try to check up on them and see if they are doing good. 

But I have been doing pretty bad. Worse and worse everyday. And noone is there to check up on me. And when someone does it is a fleeting drive by of "Everything ok?" which is like a slap in a face. It just says: I am expecting you to be fine cause I don't have time for you otherwise..

Don't do that t people, it is not nice. Be kind, make time. Sometimes call first. Keep your word. Make them feel special. Because they might be fighting a battle you know nothing about. And maybe they need your help but are too weak to even say.

Can't be what you need me to be

I have worked very hard. I set my goals high and I plough through, not admitting defeat until I get there. That has been me most of my life. Truth is I never experienced failure. Yes, I failed many times, but it was never a complete failure, because I just kept trying until i got it right. I did not back down. I ruined relationships, I shed tears...

I had so many goals in my life...I wanted to be a veterinarian and save every animal on planet....I wanted to be a teacher and influence masses of students to make the world a better place..I wanted to be a journalist and influence the masses...I wanted to be a politician and steer the masses.. I just wanted to have influence and do some good in the world...so many road, never finished any of them...

The strange thing is, even though my interest shifted, the drive was always there. Need to get up, need to get better, need to achieve, be the best at what I do...

I met many people on my journey. Some of them became friends, some of them remained friends, some of them I loved and some of them I lost forever. But most of them thought of me as being special. being smart. Being an inspiration, someone to look up to.
Most of the time I believed them. I too thought I was special. That I had a mission to save the world in some way.

But as of late I feel like I am carrying this huge heavy weight of hopes and dreams. And these are not my dreams anymore. They are expectations from all the people I know, who expect me to be better still, achieve higher, succeed as I always do.

I am burned out. I need to take a ride on someone elses life for a change. Take a step back, relax, let other people deal with the world. Sit by a pool and drink couple margaritas.