2015 summary, because they are fun to read years later

What a year 2015 was.

Spring:
Spring semester at Cornell was not all that bad. Yes it was stressful as always, but I was already in my tracks and knew my way around.
I fought some demons of the past, put misunderstandings behind me and again got in touch with a very important figure in my life.
I also dreamt about this research project I would like to do, which would be so cool. Oh little did I know how uncool it actually will be.
I carried out my project, planned it, got funding for it, got advisers for it, partnered with another school on it. I did it. To my own amazement I have actually succeeded.

Summer:
I went to Europe. For whole three months. Yes, I worked my ass off, had to keep my head down, had to play by rules. But in the end I got all I needed for my project, met with many people I can call somewhat my friends. I met with extremely smart people which blown my mind.
I have lost my precious mare to my own mistakes and I gave up on life.
I went to Romania.
Now Romania deserves a chapter in my book of life, even though I was only there for three weeks. It had forever changed me. It reignited the fire I had about changing the world. It sobered me, it showed me that nothing really matters in the end. It brought me talks about Africa. It was the smell of coffee. Romania with dirt roads and taste of wild Mirabelle Plums. Piece of my heart stayed in Romania and I will have to return there to pick it up,
I have also talked to my former demon and realized just how foolish I was. I was forced to travel through a wormhole at my sisters wedding.

Fall:
Fall semester went by so quickly. Like looking out the window of a fast train. Just blur of lab coats, lectures and jobs. Vet school applications were tough. Finishing my project was tough. Everything was tough. But at the end I realized that it is not everything. That some things dont matter as much.
I spend much time thinking about the past and future. What do I really want and how can I help the most. What is self sacrifice and what is good for me. I still dont know.
I have also taken one of the weirdest classes ever - intergroup dialogue - which made me hypersensitive to racism and other ways of oppression. I was forced to make peace with my privileges, because I was sure I didn't have any. But I did. Now I am just a little more aware and know that there is much I dont know.

Winter:
I returned to Czech. Enjoyed Christmas and hang out with bunch of friends. I made it my mission to reconnect with as many as possible. I needed to go back to my roots so I can keep regrowing and keep remembering why am I on this earth. People change and change their goals. But the main idea stays the same. I am here to make a change. And I will keep trying.


And what do I wish from 2016? Well that is fairly simple. I want to minimize my stress. Get a dog. Be more active and travel bunch. I want to keep exploring and being excited. I still want to stare wide eyed at all the opportunities one can have in their life. I want to find true love, I want to feel loved. I need that more than anything. Its one of those things we cannot fight for. And I wish I will make the right choices and will always try to follow my heart. 

Harry Potter and my crap

I love Harry Potter. There is doubt. I have read the books and watched the movies many many times. I love that it is honest, shows peoples flaws - the characters and the authors. It puts the greatest emphasis on friendship, love and believing in yourself.
But lately I have noticed that I have more in common with Harry, who is far from my favorite character. Even though I feel misunderstood and singled out, there is something even more fascinating: Harry living in two worlds which are so distinctly separate. I too live in two worlds and no matter how much I try to bridge them it is not going to happen.
In my American world, I worked my ass off to be where I am now. I have sacrificed a lot, sometimes even my mental health to get here. When I got into an Ivy league undergrad I was ecstatic, because it took a lot. People were so happy for me.
But in my European world, no one ever heard of this school, nor they knew what ivy league meant. Because it was not Harvard, it was just a school. And the same thing seems to happen now.
I got into an ivy league vet school. Big deal.
Actually it is a big deal. It took thousands of hours slaving away at jobs which didn't pay much, volunteering, spending breaks on projects. It took extreme stress to get my grades decent at one of the hardest schools in US. It took talking to many people, taking advice, holding back. But I did it. I am in. I am the envy of the hundreds and hundreds of people who did not get in. The other 97% which I surpassed.
But as ecstatic as I am, I don't meet the same enthusiasm in my European world. Yes, I get a pat on the back and good job..but do these people even know this was (until last year) the best veterinary school in the world? The credentials I would get if I graduated? I don't think so. They don't seem to appreciate how difficult it was.
And we are back to the awful Harry Potter in the fifth book, which was so pissed of and depressed by how others were treating him, he was complaining all the time. My two worlds are very separate, no matter what I do in US will ever translate in my home country. And that is just sad.